hackney, london, music, nightlife

Things to do in North East London when you’re dead – Hackney

Hackney gets a tough break. Apparently it’s one of the worst places in the UK to live and has some of the biggest crime problems in the London. However, anyone that’s been there knows it ain’t all bad. If you’re adventurous enough to see past the statistics, there’s plenty of fun to be had, just make sure you’ve got your extendable baton down your skinny jeans.

The Dolphin – open late, pretty big, massive smoking garden and fairly bohemian clientele. A current favourite to end a night out in purely on the basis that it’s bigger than Dalston Jazz Bar. I’ve met some real space cadets here and I mean that in the nicest possible way. If you’re tired about talking about getting on the property ladder and the fucking smoking ban come out to these parts and talk about Russian peasantry and its impact on future fashion trends – yep, this happened.

Dalston Jazz Bar – This place is pretty much like having a party in a storeroom cupboard – it’s miniscule. The bar is pretty weird and the DJ box looks like it was made for Bilbo Baggins. There are two toilets in the literal sense of the word, therefore expect some serious queuing. Last time I was in the queue I pitched a book idea to some publishing dude and he gave me his card, so it’s not all bad news (the bad news for him was that I made the book up on the spot and couldn‘t remember it the next day when he called!). Although don’t let the lack of space fool you – you know that wise soothsayers believe that we built this city on rock and roll? Well the jazz bar is built on VIBE. It is the kind of place that due to it’s intimate nature and music policy that when the right crowd is in there it ends up like some apocalyptic hedonist party and you then go back to some house in Stoke Newington and have really kinky out-there sex with a Dutch cartoonist only to wake up and realise she’s actually Welsh car radio tunist.

Broadway Market – Eclectic wares to be uncovered around here, plenty to keep you occupied on a cold winter afternoon. Warm up with a strawberry beer in the toasty and inviting Dove and if you really want to push the boat out, check out Santa Maria Del Buen Ayre for the best Argentinean steaks around.

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