london, relationships

The Tangled Life of a Singleton

Let’s get one thing straight – I am not a fan of blogs. Maybe it’s the scenario: “What’s Laura up to” “She’s on the blog” or maybe I haven’t joined the 21st century (what the hell is skype and AIM?!). But anyway – f*ck it, if someone wants to publish my take on life, who am I to deny them?

Being single can mess you up, and the stages singletons go through are fascinating. The first stage is pretending you love the freedom…freedom to do what? Get drunk, send a drunken text to your ex, grab a filthy takeaway on the way home, send another drunken text to your ex, fall asleep on your sofa and wake up with a tent you could park your Fiesta under.

The second stage is pretending you like the whole ‘casual’ thing. There are two types of people; those who take sexual prowess to another level (Craig David’s addiction led to a catheter and a plastic bird– take note) and those who are built for relationships. Either way, you’re screwed. Those who bed hop often feel good about themselves (usually at the point of climax…and maybe the two seconds preceding it) followed by a sense of self-loathing. Whereas those who like relationships have gone without for so long that they start trawling the londonpaper in the vain hope that someone has acknowledged their meagre existence on the Central Line to Bethnal Green. Coffee?

The final stage is acceptance, and this is where you want to be. People in this stage are open to different ways of meeting people (whether that’s on the corner of Commercial Road or Speed Dating – it doesn’t matter). Those annoying couples that seem to zoom into focus everywhere you go now fade into the background. You begin to appreciate the friends you used to resent because you’d rather be snuggled up on the sofa with some gorgeous brunette who’s laughing at your jokes whilst tickling your balls. Most importantly, you realise that just because you’re single, it doesn’t mean you’re a social leper. So to all those singletons, be proud of your independence – I salute you all!

This reminded me of a video clip that had me in stitches, check it out below. The Tales of Mere Existence cartoons have such resonance in terms of modern life and love and are pretty funny too (Chairmanmeow).

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