society

Militant Teachers

We all no doubt have some increasingly hazy memories of our school days; running up grass banks and rolling back down them (only to get a double bollocking from teachers and parents for resulting grass stains), stealing penny sweets from the corner shop, playing British Bulldog (until they banned it, weak) and the like.

Also on this nostalgic meander down memory lane perhaps memories of certain bastions of good teaching pop into our thoughts. Personally, I had an economics teacher who not only seemed to be the unquestionable heir to Adam Smith’s liberal economic throne but also had a tash that was reminiscent of a Colombian drug dealer in mid-80s Florida. Whilst walking this path of yesteryear, along side the bastions of good teaching you no doubt come across the bastards. The teachers that if put in front of a psychologist would clearly offer enough morsels of madness for the good doctor to feast upon for many a year.

The reason for my peek into PGCE land is that I was shocked to hear the Conservatives’ plans to give up to 200 ex-servicemen and women (who hold university degrees already) free university places to train to become teachers. Now the more you look into this policy, the more you realise it’s a very precise measure i.e. targeting a specific population of individuals who have already left the army and offering them this opportunity. The first question that came to my mind is; I wonder if anyone has actually asked these 200 people if they actually want to be teachers!?

It does conjure up images of ASBO teens vs ex. SAS. It’ll be like a modern day Alien Vs Predator with the ASBO teens wielding knives, toking on bongs whilst the ex. SAS stride confidently into battle with pristine boots and a fuck-off big rifle. Eat your heart out Michelle Pffeifer.

I can imagine the scenes now, picture it, Year 7 Geography…

Teacher: “Adams, where is Iraq?”

Adams: “Stop sweatin’ me blud, innit”

Teacher: “YOU DON’T KNOW!? Drop and give me 100. (Cue vomit-inducing pro-war babble followed by storming out of the room in some form of flashback/shell shocked vibe).

Adams: “Merk, Merk”.

Michael Gove (the shadow schools secretary who is also incidentally, a weasel) suggests that classroom behaviour may improve as a result of the measure (I didn’t know the Tories had got in a distant relative of Sherlockfucking Holmes!?). Perhaps this is an insight into Gove’s thinking…

For LULZ check out the reaction to it in the Daily Express comments section.

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